


Girl meets girl meets girl meets girl meets girl meets girl

by goodgollygosh



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Humanstuck, Other ships are TBD, honestly this might end up w/ everyone in a poly relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-07-25 08:23:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7525411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodgollygosh/pseuds/goodgollygosh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six women entangle themselves in relationships and have an absolutely great time. AKA: Follow the humanstuck lives of the trolls you know and love as they find happiness and personal growth. It's gonna be gayreat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Look it's Nepeta

arsenicCatnip [AC] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

AC: :33 < *the furrocious and bloodthirsty ac stares at the stranger with great clawtion* so, you’re interested in becoming roommates?  
AA: yes  
AA: i decided t0 enr0ll at the nearby university last minute and haven’t had much luck finding a place t0 stay   
AC: :33 < h33 h33, housing can be impawsible to find this time of year. i purrsume you’re aware that the room will only be available fur 3 months?  
AA: that’s 0kay  
AA: i'll figure s0mething 0ut by then   
AC: :33 < *ac gives the stranger a final glance befure adopting a more purrsonable stance* you sound absolutely purrfect to me! my old roommate wants to contact potential roommates befure i can completely apurrove them, but i don’t furs33 any problems.  
AA: i understand   
AA: i l00k f0rward t0 hearing fr0m them furry much   
AC: :33 < maybe don’t try the cat puns on him. :33c  
AA: 0kay 0_0  
AA: wait that l00ked stupid ign0re that  
AC: :33 < no judgements here ;33  
AA: 0h my g0d

Nepeta leaped from her chair, taking care to not step on the cat laying across the floor. Pounce’s tendency to take up as much floor space as possible meant that she had to employ her own catlike talents to avoid her. As Nepeta put on the kettle for a cup of tea, Pounce joined her by hopping on the counter. While humming in response to the cat’s deep purr, Nepeta took out her phone to message Equius. Unlike the previous applicants, she had a good feeling that he would approve this one! And not a moment too soon—the apartment was almost unbearably lonely without her best friend.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

AC: :33 < *ac stalks her prey in the dusty barn*  
AC: :33 < *bursting from the hay, she tackles the oblivious man*   
AC: :33 < *the strong dork is powerless in her grasp! leaning furward, she laughs smugly*  
CT: D --> You’ll stop now  
AC: :33 < sometimes you can be pawsbolutely no fun at all 33:  
AC: :33 < i have impurrtant news to share, but if you insist on being strongly against any sort of joy, purrhaps i should k33p it to myself.   
CT: D --> My apologies,  
AC: :33 < apawlogies :33c  
CT: D --> My apawlogies,   
CT: D --> I wasn’t being very /neigh/borly   
AC: :33 < *ac does an ex33dingly ridiculous series of acrobatic fucking purrouettes* have a few days at a furm really cured you of being a stick in the mud?  
CT: D --> Firstly, it isn’t a farm, it’s an e%periment in applying ethical and environmentally-conscious techniques to create self-sustainable living  
CT: D --> Secondly, I’m only a stick in the mud compared to you   
CT: D --> We can’t all be so willing to open our home to complete strangers  
AC: :33 < oh! that reminds me.  
CT: D --> You’ve found another one, haven’t you  
AC: :33 < i’ve got a good f33ling about her!  
CT: D --> What’s her name  
AC: :33 < …shit  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
AC: :33 < what else am i supposed to say? “shucks buster” is kind of a loaded phrase right now  
CT: D --> That’s a consequence of letting every girl you find remotely interesting live with us  
AC: :33 < >:33  
CT: D --> Anyway  
CT: D --> Do you have any way of contacting this potential roommate   
AC: :33 < of course, i’ll send you her pesterchum.   
AC: :33 < but you have to purrmise that you won’t immediately scare her off.  
CT: D --> I don’t know if I can do that  
AC: :33 < and why not? 3:  
CT: D --> You may not have noticed, but I have a very STRONG tendency to put people off  
AC: :33 < ugh, just be yourself, you weirdo!  
AC: :33 < maybe dial back the cr33piness though.  
CT: D --> I will try 

Nepeta gulped down her now-cooled tea. She didn’t have long until she was due at the animal shelter. Although she usually wasn’t a particularly punctual person, nothing made her feel worse than being late to meet her favorite cats. She cared for the other animals as well, but she swore that the cats were extra snobby to her whenever she was tardy. Today that would be absolutely unacceptable! 

Leaving the apartment was difficult with Pounce curling around her legs as she walked, and she ended up having to hop from spot to spot. Pounce definitely knew where she was going, and was super jealous. She couldn’t blame her, the apartment was totally boring when everyone was gone. Usually Equius kept Pounce company when Nepeta left, but with him gone there was little she could do. As far as she could tell, no one had yet invented the cat version of the dog walking service. Ideally her future roommate would solve this problem. Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t really mentioned Pounce. Whoops! 

Nepeta’s cheeks flushed both from the winter air and the embarrassment of all the mistakes she'd made so far while picking a roommate. Not that it was a federal fucking issue, she just got easily flustered. Like okay, how many people really remembered to ask for people’s names in this day and age? Most of the people she talked to online use their pesterchum handles or abbreviations to talk. Really the main reason she knew Equius’ name was that his handle was unspeakably terrible. He was her best friend, but sometimes she had to put her paw down to prevent him from completely alienating others. She liked to think that she could have saved him from his current handle if she had known him then. 

Of course, she was in no position to talk. “arsenicCatnip”? Her Rawr X33 phase haunted her every day… 

Shaking off the sins of her past, Nepeta entered the shelter and greeted the cats just in time. There was absolutely no way that Equius wouldn’t approve of “apocalypseArisen”. And as long as she wasn’t immediately put off by his chumhandle, AA would like him too! Hopefully.

centaursTesticle [CT] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

CT: D --> Pardon the intrusion, but I believe you might be e%pecting a message from me  
CT: D --> I'm the old roommate nepeta informed you of, Equius  
AA: 0f c0urse  
AA: nice t0 meet y0u equius  
CT: D --> Likewise, although Nepeta neglected to give me your name  
AA: i may have f0rg0tten t0 tell her  
AA: wh00ps  
AA: my name is aradia  
CT: D --> A beautiful name  
AA: i guess  
AA: equius is als0 pretty unique  
CT: D --> It is a family name  
CT: D --> With it come the e%pectations of e%cellence and STRENGTH  
AA: 0h  
AA: that's nice  
CT: D --> I assume you conduct yourself with the grace your name implies  
AA: um  
AA: i try t0  
AA: archae0l0gical digs and clumsiness d0nt g0 well t0gether  
CT: D --> Archaeology is a noble field  
CT: D --> I didn't think it had a particularly STRONG presence near the apartment though  
AA: it d0esnt  
AA: im attending the nearby university t0 get a masters  
CT: D --> I see  
CT: D --> So you are about the same age as Nepeta and me  
AA: if y0ure cl0se t0 22  
CT: D --> I am  
CT: D --> But this line of conversation has no pro%imity to the issue at hand  
CT: D --> There is something I'd like to ask you  
AA: 0kay  
CT: D --> Are you currently involved in a relationship  
AA: 0_0  
AA: i'm flattered  
AA: but i'm n0t very interested in men  
CT: D --> Fiddlesti%  
AA: if thats the purp0se 0f this then i can l00k elsewhere  
CT: D --> I have given you the wrong impression  
CT: D --> I'm not particularly interested in women  
AA: 0h  
AA: 0kay  
CT: D --> I only asked because Nepeta has a tendency to meddle in relationships  
CT: D --> Some find this off-putting  
CT: D --> It tends to be worse for single people as well  
AA: i assume y0u've experienced this firsthand  
CT: D --> That is private  
AA: s0rry  
CT: D --> But also correct  
AA: i d0n't think it'll be an issue f0r me  
AA: i'm single but i think i'll be able t0 take it  
CT: D --> Don't be so sure  
CT: D --> She is a remarkably driven woman  
AA: s0unds like y0u care f0r her  
CT: D --> Of course  
CT: D --> Anyone who hurts her should e%pect an e%tremely STRONG talking to  
AA: i understand c0mpletely  
CT: D --> Then you have my blessing  
CT: D --> Um, not that you really needed it  
AA: its nice t0 have  
CT: D --> You're certainly just as great as Nepeta said  
AA: 0h really  
AA: 0u0  
CT: D --> I take it back  
CT: D --> Nepeta already has an e%traordinary supply of silly emoticons  
CT: D --> Yours would overburden the apartment  
AA: the fl00rs w0uld give 0ut  
AA: the furniture w0uld be stretched  
CT: D --> I would return to ruins  
AA: well  
AA: if the apartment is used t0 dealing with y0ur "d -->"  
AA: then maybe we'll be safe  
CT: D --> It's a bow and arrow  
CT: D --> It is noble and STRONG  
AA: sure  
AA: whatever y0u say  



	2. In which fate is a poor navigator, but great navigaytor

Aradia drove her truck through the vaguely familiar streets of her childhood town. Using her memory as a navigator, she recognized the cherished landmarks of her early youth. On her left her favorite park flashed by, lacking some of its more dangerous structures. She was somewhat upset to see that “weird metal structure with climbing bars no. 2” had been replaced by more swings. Oh, the flow of time was ruthless in its progression. The climbing wall was still there though, which was pretty sweet. 

To her right she saw what she thought was the street leading to her old home, but she only got a quick glance before she had to look back at the road. She did so with enough time to swerve around a bird, who for some reason thought the road was a prime spot for worms to hang around. Lucky her. If she had hit it, she would have felt obligated to give it the funeral it deserved, which probably would have complicated moving in. She’d rather not introduce herself to Nepeta with a suitcase in one hand and bird casket in the other. 

After somehow passing her favorite park a second time, Aradia was forced to realize she was lost. If she were being honest with herself, she had known early on that thirteen-year-old selves weren’t super reliable with directions. In her defense, google maps would have totally disrupted her nostalgia. Besides, she was pretty confident that The Alluring Power of Fate was drawing her to the places she needed to be. Just in case, she pulled over and texted Nepeta.  
  
AA: hey s0 y0u kn0w h0w i said i’d have n0 pr0blem finding the apartment  
AC: :33 < actually i think you said “i’m furmiliar with the area”   
AC: :33 < “don’t bother sending directions”  
AA: i’ve 0nly used a cat pun 0nce in my life  
AA: and it wasn’t “furmiliar”  
AC: :33 < you’re right, it was “furry” which is unfurgivable  
AA: clearly s0me0ne impers0nated me  
AA: i’m being framed  
AC: :33 < *ac arches her back in horror* who would do such an unfurgivable thing?  
AA: s0me0ne c0mmitted t0 f0rcing me t0 spend my life living in this park  
AC: :33 < does that park purrhaps look like it has an overabundance of swings?  
AA: yes  
AA: like half the park is swing sets wh0 even appr0ved this  
AA: th0usands 0f years fr0m n0w a future me will unc0ver this park and make all kinds 0f assumpti0ns  
AC: :33 < i wouldn’t mind being known as the swinging generation  
AA: really the m0st culturally revealing places are graves  
AA: can y0u c0mmit t0 being buried under a swingset  
AC: :33 < i kind of had my heart set on being made into a catnip plant  
AA: w0ah  
AC: :33 < did i go too fur?  
AA: n0 i’m just trying t0 figure 0ut if that’s p0ssible  
AA: like i guess if they can cremate pe0ple and put them int0 a tree p0t  
AC: :33 < wait i was just kitten around  
AC: :33 < is that really pawsible?  
AA: yeah y0u sh0uld meet my grandpa s0metime  
AC: :33 < does he know a lot about this stuff?  
AA: n0 i planted a tree in his ashes  
AC: :33 < holy shit  
AA: 0kay anyway  
AA: back t0 me being super l0st  
AA: it’s 0kay if y0u need a minute  
AC: :33 < that was a lot to purrocess!  
AC: :33 < or process, if you’d purrfur me to be serious when talking about your dead grandpa  
AC: :33 < i mean prefer!  
AA: l0l  
AA: y0u have t0 pr0mise me that if i die while r00ming with y0u  
AA: y0u will write me a eul0gy entirely in cat puns  
AC: :33 < hopefully that will nefur happen!  
AC: :33 < but of course i will  
AA: thanks  
AA: y0u’ll be the sec0nd act in the c0rpse party aka my funeral  
AC: :33 < well at this rate you’ll die of exposure  
AA: what a bummer  
AA: 0ver-exp0sure is such a b0ring way t0 g0  
AC: :33 < i’ll send the address ofur to you again  
AC: :33 < you’re very close  
AA: see this is why i was relying 0n destiny f0r directi0ns  
AA: i was fated t0 have this c0nversati0n with y0u  
AC: :33 < just get here already so you can be ofur dramatic in purrson  
AA: 0kay  


Using a map app turned out to be much faster than relying on childhood memories. A few minutes later, Aradia pulled in to the solidly average apartment parking lot. Thanking the Spirits of Random Dead People that the complex had assigned parking, she found her spot to be helpfully close to her apartment. A woman was waiting nearby, sending sneaky glances at her truck and typing furiously into her phone.  
  
AC: :33 < is that you?  
AC: :33 < oh my god you’re so purretty  
AC: :33 < that or some supurr hot woman just took your purrking spot  
AC: :33 < in which case you’ll have a wonderfully awkward oppurrtunity to m33t her in purrson  
AC: :33 < i can s33 you checking you phone and laughing  
AC: :33 < that’s it i’m coming ofur there!  
AA: 0kay  


As soon as Aradia got out of her car she was pulled into a tight hug. Nepeta was surprisingly strong considering how short she was, and Aradia found herself being pulled downwards. She responded by stubbornly resting her chin on Nepeta’s head. It was covered in a soft blue hat, which was totally a bonus. 

“Aradia as interesting as your clavicle is, it’d be nice to look you in the eyes.” Nepeta said, adding in a frustrated grumble that sounded almost like a purr. Adorable. 

“Hmm…” Aradia said, considering. “I don’t know; this way I can take in the apartment complex with minimal neck strain.” 

“Ah, but that plan has its drawbacks.” Nepeta insisted. “Fur instance, it means you can’t look at me!”

Nepeta tugged sharply at Aradia’s coat. This time Aradia allowed her to pull her down to eye level. With only a few inches between them, Aradia could admire Nepeta’s smile in vivid detail. Her own lips curved in response before she brought her eyes upwards to meet Nepeta’s. 

“I guess this is a better view.” Aradia said. “It’s always great to see a move-in helper.” 

Nepeta mock-pouted and stepped away. She cast a desperate look at the complex’s staircase, before sighing dramatically and walking towards the bed of the truck. Aradia was quick to follow her. 

“Okay,” Aradia said “I can explain.” 

“Can you?” Nepeta asked doubtfully, staring at the pile. 

Interspersed between suitcases and boxes were animal skulls in clear cases. A few tapestries covered the pile, which was otherwise held together by bungee cords and what must be telekinesis. 

“This way unpacking is kind of like an archaeological dig! It’s motivational.” Aradia said. 

Nepeta stared at Aradia for a few seconds, before nodding once and turning back to face the pile.

“Right.” She said. Straightening her back and switching into a narrative voice, she continued. “The two adventurers stand at the bottom of an unassuming, albeit sandy, hill. Only they know the truth, which is that buried beneath the peak are a variety of treasures from the past! Will they be able to discover them all and bring them to safety before the creepy neighbor two doors down decides to talk to them? Only time will tell…”

While Aradia processed the fact that Nepeta apparently had a separate voice for the sole purpose of narrating, Nepeta gracefully climbed to the top of the pile and grabbed a box. By the time she was finished climbing down, Aradia was refocused on the mission. She was an adventurer, like a slightly more modern day Indiana Jones, and she wasn’t going to be outdone by her partner. 

For half an hour Nepeta and Aradia raced each other back and forth from the truck, competing to see who could carry more while breaking less. Besides a shattered plate, everything reached the apartment intact. Both of them solemnly agreed that the plate had simply reached the end of its life span, and that being dropped down a flight of stairs was at the very least an exciting way to go. 

Once all of Aradia’s things were suitably stored in her room, or at least out of the walkway, Nepeta promised to make some tea. Although they had jokingly complained about the heat of the desert sun while moving Aradia’s things, the weather was far from warm. Aradia opted to introduce herself to Pounce while she waited for her drink. Watching her curled up on the couch with a blanket, Nepeta bounced impatiently, willing the tea to steep faster so that she could join her. 

“I think she’s warming up to me.” Aradia said, holding out a hand cautiously.

Pounce stared at it blankly for a few moments before rubbing her face against it. Perfect, the cat’s approval was secure. 

“She has good taste.” Nepeta replied. 

Nepeta joined her on the couch, taking care not to disturb Pounce. The two sipped their tea quietly for a moment. Aradia looked around the room. Most of the area was taken up by the large couch, which was covered in blankets. Some of them looked to be real fur. Between Nepeta’s pelts and Aradia’s bones, a necromancer could reanimate several animals. Unfortunately those animals would probably struggle to navigate the rest of the apartment, which consisted of a narrow hallway with two small bedrooms on either side and a bathroom at the end.

Nepeta tapped her fingers against her mug, also looking around the room. She was trying to avoid looking at Aradia. She had a little bit of a staring problem. Really she liked focusing on the most interesting thing in a room, which just happened to usually be a beautiful woman. What a coincidence. 

It had taken an embarrassingly long time to realize she was gay, all things considered. 

Nepeta considered asking Aradia if she wanted a tour around town, but she didn’t want to admit how tired she was from carrying all those boxes. After all, she had an image to uphold.

“Want to watch a movie?” Nepeta asked. 

Aradia glanced at her and smiled. 

“Only if I get to pick.” She said. 

Thirty minutes into Raiders of the Lost Ark, Aradia’s phone went off.

GC: 4N HOUR 4FT3R YOUR SUPPOS3D MOV3 1N T1M3 4ND 1’V3 Y3T TO H34R FROM 31TH3R OF YOU  
GC: DO 1 D3T3CT TH3 P3PP3RY SC3NT OF TROUBL3  
GC: W1LL CR1M1N4L PROC33D1NGS B3 N3C3SS4RY  
AA: n0pe  
GC: HOW D1S4PPO1NT1NG  
AA: y0u’re welc0me t0 c0me 0ver and smell f0r y0urself  
AA: n0thing unusual here  
AA: well n0thing that y0u c0uld smell anyway  
GC: MY MY MS CH3RRY P13  
GC: 4R3 YOU DOUBT1NG MY 4B1L1T13S >>:]  
AA: right n0w i’m d0ubting the existence 0f tw0 pairs 0f eyebr0ws 0n y0ur face  
GC: TH1S 1S TH3 ONLY W4Y TO PROP3RLY 3XPR3SS BOTH MY 4NG3R 4ND S3R1OUSN3SS  
AA: it makes n0 scents t0 me  
GC: W4S TH4T 4 PUN  
GC: 1T’S H4RD TO T3LL W1TH TH1S R34D3R SOM3T1M3S  
GC: N3V3RM1ND 1 C4N SM3LL TH3 GUNSMOK3 FROM H3R3  
AA: *d0uble pist0ls and a wink*  
GC: >:|  
GC: 1’M 4LR34DY R3GR3TT1NG 1NTRODUC1NG YOU TO N3P3T4  
AA: t00 late  
AA: she’s already been made a part 0f my c0rpse party  
GC: 1F SH3 STOL3 MY T1M3 SLOT 1 W1LL COM3 DOWN ON H3R W1TH TH3 FULL 3XT3NT OF TH3 L4W!  
AA: d0n’t w0rry y0u’re still the first act  
GC: 3XC3LL3NT >:]  
GC: W4NT TO H34R MY F1RST L1N3  
AA: 0kay  
GC: "1 N3V3R S4W TH1S COM1NG"  
AA: y0u are such a great friend  
GC: 1 KNOW  
GC: BLUH 1 H4V3 TO GO SOON  
GC: VR1SK4 W1LL COM3 BURST1NG 1N 4BOUT F1V3 M1NUT3S FROM NOW  
AA: s0 she still d0esn’t kn0w i’m back in t0wn  
GC: 1’M WORK1NG ON 1T  
GC: YOU KNOW HOW SH3 G3TS 4BOUT YOU  
AA: im tempted t0 surprise her at her j0b  
GC: TH4T WOULD B3 H1L4R1OUS  
GC: 4ND 4LSO 4 TR41NWR3CK  
AA: isn’t she always  
GC: 4 B34UT1FUL ON3 >:]  
GC: BUT Y34H  
AA: agreed  
GC: GOT TO GO!  
GC: >;]  
AA: 0kay  
AA: 0u0  



	3. Terezi and Vriska: The Experience

“It’s 6:28, aka time to waaaaaaaake up!”

Terezi groaned as she turned off the alarm her roommate had insisted on customizing. The owner of the voice mumbled a few curses before pulling the covers over her head. As the black blur of her hair was covered by a swathe of red comforter, Terezi got an extra whiff of the same cheap perfume Vriska had been wearing for years. After she moved in Terezi had pushed for her to stop using it, but Vriska had just ranted about preserving the integrity of her brand™. To be honest, Terezi had warmed up to it. It would take more than synthetic blueberries to ward her off. Also, it made Vriska easier to find in crowds.

Terezi got out of bed and prepared for class. After throwing on the clothing she deemed to be the brightest or best-smelling, she grabbed the bottle of Vriska’s perfume and shamelessly sprayed it on her scarf. If she was going to nearly freeze to death while walking to work, she was at least going to avoid the scent of her fellow students.

On her way out of the apartment, Terezi paused. By now Vriska should have been awake and grumbling through her own morning routine. Unfortunately, Vriska had chosen to describe her horror-filled day over multiple shots, and now the bedroom was completely silent. She wasn’t surprised.

Terezi steeled herself and then turned back to the room. She managed to turn on the lights and pull down the bed’s covers in a fluid movement achieved through years of practice. Unfortunately, Vriska had the same amount of experience. Rolling over on her stomach, she shoved her face straight down in the mattress and refused to budge.

“Vriska,” Terezi said. “To quote a dear friend, it’s time to wake up.”

“Terezi,” Vriska mumbled, “Your pronunciation was a bit off. Use the correct quote or get off my ass.”

Terezi smiled, using a toothy grin typically reserved for intimidating the defense’s witnesses. Vriska remained unmoved, literally.

“Fine.” Terezi cooed, all fake sweetness and cellophane, and Vriska raised her eyebrows in alarm. Finally starting to stir, she began to push herself out of the way. It was too late—Terezi was on her in an instant, cackling.

“One!” Terezi said, giving Vriska’s shoulder a light bite.

“Two! Three! Four!” Terezi was making her way to her neck.

“Five!” Vriska laughed as Terezi gently mouthed her clavicle.

“Six!” Terezi licked up her throat, stopping at her chin.

“Seven!” Vriska leaned forward and mock pouted. Terezi bit her lower lip.

“Aaaaaaaand eight!” Vriska was laughing too much for Terezi to kiss her properly. Leaning forward, she missed and got the tip of her scrunched up nose instead. Whatever, shitty vision led to happy surprises sometimes.

“I’m up, I’m up!” Vriska groaned. “God, I’ve got plenty of time before work.

Terezi rolled her eyes and pressed a button on her watch. A cheery voice informed both of them that it was 6:52. Vriska threw herself out of bed while Terezi made her way back to the door of the apartment.

“You have eight minutes. Good luck!” Terezi said sweetly. It was a tone she exclusively reserved for mocking Vriska.

Vriska stumbled out of the bedroom, still pulling her shirt over her hair. After a brief struggle she turned towards her. Terezi couldn’t see her eyes at this distance, but she was certain Vriska was rolling them.

“Not necessary.” Vriska said. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

 

* * *

 

AG: I totally made it to work in time so you can suck it!!!!!!!!

GC: 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO B3 SURPR1S3D

AG: A little 8it, yeah. I had to run the entire way to the diner to not 8e l8.

GC: 4R3 YOU LOOK1NG FOR P1TY OR 1S 1T SLOW R1GHT NOW

AG: Weekday morning shifts are so 8oring.

GC: 4NY FUN CUSTOM3RS Y3T

AG: Ugh, just a creep who at least tipped well.

GC: L3T M3 KNOW 1F YOU N33D 4NY L3G4L 4DV1C3

AG: Thanks, 8ut I think I’ve got it down. 

AG: “Don’t murder rude customers” is pretty simple.

GC: BUT R3M4RK4BLY 3FF3CT1V3 1N PR3V3NT1NG RUN 1NS W1TH TH3 L4W

AG: Wow, really???????? Law school is paying off already.

GC: >:]

AG: Hey guess who just got a to go order!

GC: 1F YOU S4Y K4RK4T 1’M LOGG1NG OFF

AG: What, no. 

AG: I’ll give you a hint: They’re a pretty well-liked purrson.

GC: N3P3T4

AG: O8viously 

AG: She’s totally getting food for two people and I know for a fact Equius is out of town.

GC: 1T’S R34LLY NOT UNL1K3LY TH4T N3P3T4 WOULD H4V3 4NOTH3R G1RL 1N H3R L1F3

AG: Damn, that girl does well. 

AG: Like, a little toooooooo well? 

AG: It’s suspicious.

GC: NOT R34LLY >:/

AG: Seriously? I know you had that thing with her 8ut honestly I don’t get it.

GC: W3LL FOR ON3 SH3’S 4 G3N3R4LLY W3LL L1K3D P3RSON

AG: Ouch

GC: FOR 4NOTH3R SH3 PROB4BLY DO3SN’T CONST4NTLY D1STR4CT H3R G1RLFR13ND 1N COLL3G3

AG: Oh shit I forgot you were in class. 

AG: How are you even reading this?

GC: H34DPHON3S

AG: lol, and the professor hasn’t said anything?

GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK H3 C4N R3M3MB3R WH3TH3R 1 H4V3 H34R1NG OR V1S1ON PROBL3MS

AG: You’d think the glasses would 8e a dead fucking giveaway.

GC: TH4T’S WHY 1 TOOK TH3M OFF 

GC: R1GHT NOW 1 C4N’T S33 OR H34R SH1T

AG: That’s a 8ad 8reak. 

AG: Really just terrrrrrrri8le luck.

GC: GOODBY3 VR1SK4 >:]

AG: 8yeeeeeeee

 

* * *

 

The diner Vriska worked at was old, dusty, and covered in red vinyl. Terezi absolutely loved it. She couldn’t make out most of the stains and the cheap food had never made her sick. She didn’t have particularly high standards, and it helped that the place was also where Vriska had managed to hold down a job for the first time in years. It was the type of diner where rude servers could be passed off as part of the dining experience. Combined with an absentee owner and apathetic manager, the job was perfect for her.

Terezi sat herself in one of the smaller booths and waited for Vriska. She appeared with Terezi’s staple drink—sprite and a copious amount of grenadine. It was the only thing in the restaurant a brighter red than the chairs. Nobody could beat Terezi’s commitment to uncomfortably bright shades of red. Not that many people tried.

“So,” Vriska said, pretending to take her order. “About Nepeta…”

“What about her?” Terezi asked. She was fidgeting with her straw, using it to stir the already perfectly homogenized mixture. She had really meant to talk to Vriska earlier.

“Well, what’s the gossip?” Vriska leaned forward, so that she was close enough for Terezi to get a good look at.

She could smell Vriska’s perfume, and felt the air move as she let out an impatient sigh. Fuck, she was so gay.

“The information I may or may not possess about the sub-lease of Nepeta’s apartment must be kept confidential.” Terezi replied, in her favorite work voice.

She’d been practicing it her entire life, albeit usually to a crowd of stuffed animals. It was the type of no-nonsense voice that immediately stopped her imagined criminals in the middle of their lies. It was a voice that cut through bullshit and until only clarity remained, a voice capable of delivering justice with the gravity it was deserved. Vriska, of course, was not phased at all.

“Great!” She said. “Tell me at home then.”

Vriska winked and ripped the ticket she had pre-written Terezi’s order on out of the book. After placing it in the kitchen and closing out her current tables, she took her lunch break to eat with Terezi. The restaurant picked up, but she ignored the glares sent to them by other waitresses. After all, she constantly took double shifts, dealt with most of the shitty customers, and was for some reason completely adored by the kitchen. If she wanted to take her break during the lunch rush and spend it talking to her girlfriend, she would. None of the servers had the guts to confront her anyway.

Although Terezi couldn’t see the glares, Vriska swore she knew they were being sent her way. All too soon she stood up to leave, putting down enough money to cover the meal and a generous tip. The table was almost immediately bussed, a pointed hint that her break was over. As soon as she stood up another waitress came up to her, looking more frazzled than usual.

“Table ten is an absolute nightmare and is demanding to see the manager.” She stammered. Vriska tried to remember her name. Maria? Marcie? She was definitely a new hire.

“So?” Vriska responded. “Find the manager, it’s not my problem.”

Marcie tugged at her hair nervously. “The manager didn’t actually come in today...But this table refuses to pay for their food, they’re saying it was terrible even though they ate all of it…”

Vriska stared at her, and Marcie fidgeted even more. This was nowhere near to being her problem, but she didn’t have any tables yet so what the hell. Might as well have some fun.

“I want half of the tip.” Vriska said at last.

“Um, I don’t think they’re going to tip.” Marcie said.

Vriska looked down at her and smiled.

“Oh, sweetie.” She replied, already beginning to walk towards the table. “They will when I’m done with them.”

* * *

 

Terezi was listening to a playback of her notes when Vriska came home. Her footsteps were heavy, but she wasn’t stomping. Good, that meant that while she was tired from work, she was likely in a pretty good mood. A mood that would probably quickly change, Terezi noted. For a moment she almost felt guilty. Shit.

Vriska entered the bedroom before Terezi could properly dwell on the feeling.

“Alright, time to confess!” Vriska declared dramatically, jumping to join her on the bed. “Who is Nepeta’s mysterious roommate.”

“Unbelievable.” Terezi stalled. “I can’t believe you would ask me to disregard my integrity as a future lawyer for the sake of gossip.”

“Come on, that’s totally believable!” Vriska said. “Also, doesn’t lawyer confidentiality only apply to like, defense attorneys.”

“Nope.” Terezi replied.

“Well I disagree so tell me already. Pleeeeeeeease?” Vriska insisted, adjusting herself so that she was laying across Terezi’s lap.

Terezi ran her fingers through Vriska’s hair. The ponytail she had to wear at work always strained her head, and it had become a tiny ritual for Terezi to relieve some of the tension before they went to bed. Vriska usually returned the favor. It was the closest that either of them ever came to actually brushing their hair.

“Aradia’s back in town for college. She’s staying with Nepeta.” Terezi admitted.

Vriska tensed immediately.

“Oh,” She said. “Good for her.”

“I meant to tell you earlier, “ Terezi began, but she was quickly cut off.

“Don’t worry about it!” Vriska said, her voice rising slightly. “It doesn’t have anything to do with me! Why would it, it’s not like she’d want to see me again.”

“I don’t think she’s really against the idea –“ Terezi was cut off again.

“Yeah why wouldn’t she want to hang out with the person who fucked up her life?” Vriska replied, rising up from her position on the bed to pace around the room. “We have so much to discuss! Topic one: Remember when we broke up? Topic two: Remember when I outed you to your grandfather and you were immediately transferred out of school?”

“Vriska, you’re blowing this out of proportion.” Terezi responded, talking quickly to ensure she would have time to finish. “She went to an all-girls boarding school. She got a girlfriend. I talked to her, she was fine.”

“No, Terezi,” Vriska retorted, “She was ‘okay’. Don’t try to tell me that didn’t change her.”

“Take the case to any courtroom, and any judge would find you officially not guilty. No one blames you.” Terezi said.

Vriska laughed. “Have you talked to Sollux in the last 8 years?”

“Sollux was not a reliable witness at the time. People capable of looking at things objectively disagree with his verdict.” Terezi responded.

“Oh great!” Vriska said sarcastically. “The honorable Judge Pyrope has made an appearance to tell us lowly emotion-driven beings what we ought to believe.”

“Vriska will you just trust me on this?” Terezi walked over to Vriska and placed both arms on her shoulders. Vriska relaxed, out of muscle memory more than genuine agreement.

“You’ll see.” She said. “I’m not overreacting.”

Terezi sighed. “The court will reconvene at a later date. It’s time for a brief recess.”

Vriska leaned down to kiss the much shorter Terezi. “Okay.” She said, and then scrunched up her nose. “Shit, that’s kind of a loaded phrase.”

Terezi laughed. “I’ll strike it from the record” She promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work + College Planning = Late chapter  
> Thanks to everyone who has given kudos so far!


	4. Guess Who This Features

CC: )(--ELLO!

GA: Hey

CC: Glub glub glub!

GA: I See The Glubs Are Making A Comeback

CC: Glub glub glub glub!!

GA: Whats That Feferi 

GA: You Want Me To Have Exclusive Decoration Rights In Our Apartment 

GA: Well If You Insist

CC: )(ey, don’t squid around wit)( t)(at! 

CC: My contributions to our )(ome are not up for debait! 38)

GA: I Dont Know If Putting Bright Scraps Of Fabric All Over The Walls Is Really A Contribution

CC: Waterever, 

CC: It’s not like you aren’t constantly surrounded by fabric scraps already.

GA: Youre Right 

GA: Byproducts Of Fashion Design Are Exactly The Same As Hanging Fire Hazards

CC: 38P 

CC: Quit your carping 

CC: We bot)( know our apartment will look fintastic!

GA: Obviously 

GA: How Far Away Are You

CC: Aboat 30 minnows away.

GA: Is There A Conversion Chart To Accompany That Pun 

GA: What Unit Of Time Does A Small Fish Correspond To

CC: It’s s)(rimple! One minnow equals one minute. 

CC: Anyt)(ing else would be lunasea.

GA: Of Course 

GA: Im Pulling Into The Apartment Now 

GA: Hurry Up And Get Here 

GA: Or Else

CC: Or else w)(at?

GA: I Will Decorate The Apartment Tastefully

CC: T)(at’s terrifying

GA: I Will Try To Restrain Myself

CC: You betta! 

Kanaya walked into her new apartment with a vague sense of unease. The completely modernized kitchen and spacious rooms confirmed her suspicions. There was no way Feferi was having her pay a fair share of the rent. The sheer audacity of her admittedly way richer friend made her pause. Feferi had already paid for movers to bring their furniture and boxes into the apartment, so she figured she’d find the couch Feferi had promised to bring. She found it hidden behind few stacks of boxes, but her relief soon turned to horror as she realized the entire couch had been tie-dyed.

She opted to sit on the floor.

Taking a few measured breaths, Kanaya reminded herself that Feferi was a dear friend. She was the closest friend that she knew in person, and they had a lot in common. Both of them had an affinity for bright colors and patterns, and both had wildly successful mothers. Yet, while Kanaya prided herself on her ability to mix patterns without clashing, she knew Feferi had her beat when it came to outgrowing their parents’ shadows. That thought was a bit dramatic for her purely aesthetics-based freak-out, so she put it out of her mind.

Much to Kanaya’s relief, her phone buzzed and became a welcome distraction.  
AG: Oh my gooooooood Kanaya 

AG: You won’t 8elieve the 8ullshit going down right now. 

GA: Try Me 

GA: Im Just Bored Enough To Put Aside Common Sense

AG: Gr8! 

AG: Anyway, my life is in sham8les. 

AG: I’m 8eing tormented 8y the ghosts of my past failures, 

AG: Said ghost has moved in to my town, 

AG: And is pro8a8ly going to turn all of my friends against me!

GA: Wow 

GA: That Is Just A Preposterous Amount Of Bullshit

AG: I knew you’d see it my way!

GA: Somehow I Doubt That We Have Comparable Eyesight On This Issue 

GA: For Instance 

GA: You Seem To Be Squinting At The Problem 50 Yards Away 

GA: Without Your Glasses

AG: Don’t 8e o8tuse Kanaya. 

AG: We 8oth know that when I don’t have my glasses I just close my 8ad eye. 

AG: Your point is invalid and I’m ignoring it.

GA: My Apologies 

GA: Youre Clearly Winking At Your Problems

AG: :::;) 

AG: Anyway you’re going a8out this all wrong. 

AG: You’re supposed to 8e a kind and understanding listener! 

AG: Who offers me advice and solves allllllll my pro8lems. 

AG: All of them.

GA: Look As Happy As I Am That Youre Issuing Me A License To Meddle In Your Life As I See Fit 

GA: I Dont Have Much Time

AG: I can give you the sparknotes rundown

GA: Yes Why Dont You Give Me Limited Details Of An Already Probably Extremely Biased Spiel

AG: Got it ::::)

GA: Look I Know You Know That Im Being Sarcastic 

GA: Youre Being Willfully Ignorant Here 

GA: I Know What Youre Doing

AG: Hmmmmmmmm???????? 

AG: What are you talking a8out????????

GA: Okay Fine 

GA: Hatch The Metaphorical Drama From Your Chicken Ass Straight Onto My Ready Lap 

GA: Which Is To Say 

GA: Lay It On Me

AG: Jeeeeeeeez Kanaya, 

AG: For someone with limited time, you sure know how to waste it!

GA: Sorry 

GA: Lets Steer The Conversational Locomotive Vehicle Straight Back To Vriskaville

AG: Thanks!

AG: So, 8ackstory: 

AG: 8ack when I was thirteen I was d8ing this girl named Aradia

GA: I Dont Remember Hearing About An Aradia

AG: No interruptions!!!!!!!! 

AG: (It was a few months 8efore I met you.) 

AG: We ended up 8reaking up which was a8out as messy as you’re imagining it, 

AG: since we were middle schoolers and generally terri8le. 

AG: 8ut the drama was calming down pretty quickly all things considered. 

AG: Especially considering........my penchant for the dramatic flair.

GA: Anyway

AG: Anyway, 

AG: Long story short: my friends and I were hanging out at her house 

AG: And I got into an argument with her new 8oyfriend 

AG: Which is how Aradia’s grandpa found out a8out her d8ing me.

GA: Yikes

AG: Yeah

GA: Not To Make Unfounded Assumptions 

GA: Since I Know Absolutely Nothing About Aradias Caretaker 

GA: But Im Guessing He Didnt Take The News Well

AG: He played it cool until we left 

AG: And then she never showed up to school again

GA: What The Fuck

AG: That was our reaction 

AG: Terezi eventually got her new pesterchum handle when her mom threatened him

GA: Isnt Terezis Mother A Lawyer 

GA: I Didnt Think She Would Be The Type To Intimidate Outside Of The Courtroom 

AG: Of course she would 8e!!!!!!!! 

AG: The 8est threat is legal action. 

AG: So Terezi gave everyone her handle. 

AG: And we figured out she just went to an all-girls 8oarding school. 

AG: No “pray the gay away”, thank fuck.

GA: Yeah Holy Shit

AG: “Holy Shit” is a perfect description of those.

GA: So She Was Fine In The End

AG: That’s what soooooooome people chose to 8elieve. 

AG: 8ut she was completely different!!!!!!!! 

AG: I know for a fact she was depressed for awhile 

AG: And she refused to admit how 8adly what had happened sucked

GA: Maybe Thats For The Best 

GA: I Mean It Couldn’T Help To Rub Everything Shed Lost In Her Face

AG: Errrrrrrr

GA: Vriska No

AG: Hey!!!!!!!! I made some mistakes, alright? 

AG: She just kept saying everything was okay.

AG: She kept acting like she didn’t hold a grudge. 

AG: 8ut I could tell it was fake!!!!!!!!

GA: Please Tell Me You Stopped Eventually

AG: Yeah 

AG: It took forever though. 

AG: I wanted her to at least 8lock me, 8ut she wouldn’t even do that.

GA: Okay So A Girls Grandfather Made A Stupid Decision 

GA: And Then You Cyber-Bullied The Girl For A While 

GA: Is That All

AG: Stop oversimplifying!!!!!!!!

GA: I Have To Admit 

GA: This Gives A Lot Of Context For Who You Were When We Met

AG: Gr8. 

AG: Glad my emotional pain and childhood regrets are helping som8ody.

GA: I Too Am In A Similar State Of Mediocre Joy

AG: ::::(

GA: Okay Ill Stop 

GA: Let Me Exchange My Sarcasm Protective Headgear For My Meddling Helmet

AG: How come you got all fancy with the sarcasm helmet and not the meddling one?

GA: To Show How Serious I Am About Meddling

AG: I’m honored.

GA: I Think You Should Meet With Her

AG: Wow what a terri8le idea!!!!!!!! 

AG: Congratulations.

GA: Youre Bound To Run Into Her Eventually

AG: Wroooooooong! 

AG: You’re forgetting that luck is 8asically my 8itch.

GA: Is It Though

AG: Yep

GA: Look 

GA: You Live In The Same Town 

GA: What Are You Going To Do If She Shows Up At Your Diner

AG: Make another w8ress serve her 

AG: Then run out the 8ack door and say I got sick. 

AG: Duh, next question.

GA: Okay Heres The Final One 

GA: Remember When You Asked Me To Meddle

AG: Yes, 8ut I thought you’d 8e a lot more concili8ory.

GA: Fine 

GA: Have It Your Way 

GA: I Do Think Youre Overreacting

AG: I mean, may8e? 

AG: I know I 8low things out of proportion. 

AG: That doesn’t mean that there isn’t some truth 8ehind my reactions though!

GA: I Believe You 

GA: I Just Wish

AG: What????????

GA: I Wish Youd Talk More To Terezi About This 

GA: She’S Probably Better For This Situation

AG: That’s fair. 

AG: Hey, do you have a minute?

GA: What A Coincidence

GA: 60 Seconds Is The Exact Amount Of Time I Will Have 

GA: Once I Finish Typing This Response Of Course

AG: Perfect! I found an article on 17th century nautical clothing. 

AG: I know historical recreations aren’t exactly your thing anymore. 

AG: 8ut if you’re looking for inspiration........

GA: Thanks Vriska 

GA: Ill Look At It This Evening

AG: Gr8!

GA: Okay I Have To Go

AG: Same, actually. 

AG: The hostess found my hide-out in the fridge ::::(

GA: A True Tragedy

Kanaya stood up and carefully examined her clothing for dust. A careful examination was a bit unnecessary though, considering how obvious it was against her black slacks. She knew they would be a problem the moment she laid them out to wear, but they looked fantastic with her blouse. She was used to moving around, and had learned that it was best to enter new towns while looking her best. Besides, what else was she going to wear? _Jeans_? Who would want to move in those?

While she finished using her travel lint roller, she heard the door unlock. Feferi burst in, wearing sweatpants. Kanaya sighed in relief. Usually Feferi had a talent for wearing certain clothes the exact moment Kanaya thought they would be inappropriate. It was an uncanny tradition that began when Feferi showed up to a conservative white tie dinner in a romper.

The romper itself was poorly tailored, and Kanaya immediately offered to fix it. They had been friends ever since.

Feferi squealed when she noticed Kanaya and quickly ran to wrap her into a tight hug.

“I know I’m late, but the board meeting went on forever! I was seariously drowning in there.” Feferi said.

Kanaya was too busy appreciating the subtle aroma of Feferi’s hair to respond immediately. Not that she was smelling her roommate’s hair, that’d be weird. Feferi would probably be cool with it though.

“Shello? Earth to Kanaya!” Feferi said, waving her hand in front of Kanaya’s face. She loved waving. It was like a tiny sea pun that she could keep all to herself.

“Sorry.” Kanaya apologized. “It’s been a long day.”

“Well _somebody_ has to help me unpack.” Feferi responded.

Years of experience in business made Feferi a formidable manager. Kanaya reluctantly started to assemble the coffee table while Feferi unpacked the kitchen utensils. Although the vendors of the table had a reputation for confusing instructions, Kanaya found them relatively easy to follow. Her calloused hands assembled the table, and the rest of the living room furniture, with relative ease.

She felt a little smug. Feferi had been cautiously excited about assembling their own furniture, which was as close to nervous as she ever got in public. Maybe she’d incorporate table assembly into her fashion line.

Wait, that was a terrible idea.

Kanaya slumped down on the couch. She was starting to warm up to the tie dye job—it was so reminiscent of Feferi’s personality that she knew she could tolerate it. At the very least she could pretend to like it and on Christmas gift the apartment with a more stylish slipcover.

Feferi hopped over the counter in what was probably supposed to be a smooth motion. Instead she ended up briefly hugging the countertop, rolling, and falling to the floor with a thud. Graceful as she was in water, her perception of her abilities on land tended to be flawed.

“Kanaya,” Feferi said, laid out on the floor. “I love open conchept.”

“I feel similarly,” Kanaya replied “But there is another concept that I love more.”

Feferi raised her head incrementally. “What’s that?”

“Imagine, if you will,” Kanaya said. “Us eating dinner.”

Feferi was on her feet immediately.

“Yes! I know the perfect place!”

Feferi continued to describe the restaurant, but Kanaya was too focused on grabbing her jacket while being practically dragged out the door. She noted that Feferi was apparently opting to ignore the fact that November evenings were generally freezing.

Halfway to the “deelicious" diner, Feferi’s optimism stopped being a viable heat source. Kanaya noticed the goosebumps on her bare arms and offered Feferi her own. They walked, arms linked, the remainder of the way. Jackets, Kanaya decided, were way overused.


	5. The Worst Hypothetical Episode of Catfish

Adrenaline laced through her veins, the byproduct of a rare sense of foreboding she was doing her best to deny. Her body, as always, refused to follow along with her favorite coping mechanism. Vriska set down the last glass of water with shaking hands, spilling some on the table. None of the customers noticed. They never did. She took their orders with a practiced scrawl, spat out a few practiced lines, and left.

She loved adventure games, with their numerous quests and endless supplies of treasure. She liked fighting the enemies while Terezi listened, giving input whenever a choice was to be made. Their character inevitably behaved erratically as they fought for the controller and mashed every button they could reach. Vriska loved being a pseudo-hero, which made it all the more depressing to have to be the equivalent of a npc to everyone in the restaurant.

The cook gave her a questioning look as she put the table’s ticket in. She glared at him until he relented, giving her plates to take out and a brief lecture rendered useless by his smile. He was always smiling at her. When she first started working here, she had thought he was hitting on her. Now, she was pretty sure he was just gay and doing his best to make her feel welcome. What an incredibly thoughtful asshole. She probably should have learned his name.

The plates in her hand were hot enough to bring her back from her melodramatic inner monologue. Moving expertly around the other waitresses and a customer who insisted on walking as slowly as possible, she arrived at the right table.

“Patty melt?” Vriska asked.

“That’s me.”

Vriska almost dropped the dish. A slender hand reached up to steady the plate, calloused fingers brushing her wrist briefly. She managed to put down both of the dishes without further trouble. The two women were staring up at her; one curious and the other shocked. She promptly turned around and speed-walked back to the kitchen. Serendipitously meeting an online friend was a little too lucky, even for her. Was she about to be on the mediocre hit tv show Catfish? Did she somehow set off a red flag and make one of her best friends suspicious that she wasn’t who she said she was?

Who was she kidding, she lived for red flags. Terezi often said that they were one of her most attractive qualities.

It was kind of unfortunate timing though. Vriska always imagined meeting Kanaya while decked out in an authentic Pirates of the Caribbean costume. They used to talk about meeting up to cosplay together, until they realized that despite how often Kanaya moved she was always an expensive plane ticket away. Kanaya’s mom refused to fly her to a convention near Vriska for what she called a “cross-country booty call”; a decision Vriska grudgingly admired solely for the pirate pun.

Vriska spent another five minutes wallowing nostalgically before the hostess found her and reminded her that she still had tables to take care of. She reluctantly agreed to return to work. It wasn’t like she was going to get good tips; most of her tables were the regulars who thought repeated business excused subpar tipping. Somehow she always ended up with those customers.

She really needed to be friendlier to the hostess.

“Come here often?”

Kanaya was leaning awkwardly next to the kitchen entrance as Vriska exited. She began blushing almost immediately. Oh no, Vriska thought. She’s cute.

“Alright let’s agree to collectively disregard anything said in the last thirty seconds.” Kanaya backpedaled.

“Fuck no, that was the first real thing you said to me in real life. That shit’s going in your scrapbook.” Vriska said.

“Assuming I actually do scrapbook,” Kanaya replied, “Should I position the quote next to ‘patty melt’?”

“Look, it’s not my fault you chose the least dramatic thing on the menu. You should’ve done the sensible thing and-”

Vriska was cut off when one of her tables started snapping at her. Kanaya joined her in giving the table a single raised eyebrow.

“As fascinating as it would have been to hear what you consider sensible; it looks like you’re in high demand tonight.” Kanaya said through pursed lips, staring down the table.

“Right.” Vriska nodded. “I’m going to go make this diner lose a few regulars, go enjoy your hot friend.”

Kanaya stared at her, mouth slightly open. Shouldn’t the hostess be interrupting/saving her right now? So much for her lucky streak.

“Food. I mean food.”

“Sure.” Kanaya replied. “Anyways, I’m more concerned about the wisdom of taking business away from the restaurant that employs you.”

“Don’t fuss about it.” Vriska said. “Haven’t you noticed? There’s plenty of much nicer people moving here; old customers can be replaced.”

She winked and walked away, already looking forward to being the worst waitress the table had ever seen. She made sure to visit every other table before them, checking in to make sure that everyone else got excellent service. The hostess got roped into doing a lot of work for the asshole table, but even she laughed once Vriska explained the situation. Rude customers were an uniting force.

By the time the dinner rush was over, Kanaya and her hot friend were finished with their food, their plates stacked neatly between them. Vriska glared at their waitress when she tried to collect the plates until she shrugged and walked away.

“So,” she said, picking up the plates herself, “Can I get you anything else?”

Kanaya’s friend grinned and leaned forward. “Maybe some drinks? After your shift ends?”

Kanaya placed her head in her hands. “Feferi you have got to be kidding me.”

“What?” Feferi replied. “I want to meet people.”

Vriska pretended to consider Feferi’s offer, taking a hand away from the plates to put one on her chin. The resulting imbalance made the sauce containers shift suddenly to one side. Her subsequent readjustment kind of ruined the effect she was going for.

“I get off at 10, let me check if my girlfriend wants to come.” Vriska said.

“Perfect!” Feferi said. “Two fish, one hook.”

Kanaya just groaned.

\--

AG: 8a8e!

AG: Guess who has plans tonight.

GC: US

AG: Us! 

AG: You kinda ruined that a little 8it 8ut yes!

GC: L4ST T1M3 YOU PL4NN3D SOM3TH1NG FOR US W3 GOT K1CK3D OUT OF 4 BOWL1NG 4LL3Y

AG: Don’t pretend you regret that!

GC: TH3Y D1D G3T SO D1STR4CT3D BY YOUR TH34TR1CS TH4T TH3Y FORGOT TO T4K3 MY BOWL1NG SHO3S

AG: Yeah that was sweet!!!!!!!! 

AG: I totally would have won that fight too.

GC: SUR3

AG: Don’t forget, I’ve got the 8est 8ackup in town.

GC: >:] 

GC: SO WH4T’S TH3 PL4N

AG: You know Kanaya?

GC: TH3 N4M3 1S V4GU3LY F4M1L14R 

GC: 4 GOOD “P4L” OF M1N3 H4S B33N T4LK1NG 4BOUT H3R NONSTOP FOR Y34RS

AG: She just moved here! She and her roomm8 went to the diner for dinner, how lucky is that?

GC: TH4T’S 4N 4BSOLUT3LY PR3POST3ROUS 4MOUNT OF GOOD LUCK 

GC: 3V3N FOR YOU

AG: I’m telling you, the universe does not like getting on my 8ad side. 

AG: Like, I thought may8e my luck was wearing off? 

AG: 8ut nope, it was just taking a 8rief vacation. 

AG: Who can 8egrudge it a few days off? Certainly not me. 

AG: I am a gracious and merciful holder of luck. 

AG: Ter? Hello?

GC: OH 4R3 YOU DON3 

GC: 1 D1DN’T W4NT TO 1NT3RRUPT

GC: WHO KNOWS WH4T TH3 CONS3QU3NC3S OF TH4T WOULD B3 

GC: 1 M1GHT /4CTU4LLY/ L34RN WH4T W3’R3 DO1NG TON1GHT 

GC: TH3 HORROR 

GC: TH3 T3RROR 

GC: TH3 HORRORT3RROR 

GC: VR1SK4 >:?

AG: Oh, are you done?

GC: Y3S >:] A

G: Ok we’re going toooooooo........ 

AG: Get milkshakes!

GC: 1’M 1N

AG: Honestly at first I thought we were going to a 8ar or something. 

AG: 8ut apparently they don’t want to finish unpacking while hungover?

GC: UH OH GC: COULD W3 B3 D34L1NG W1TH SQU4R3S >:O

AG: Far 8e it from me to encourage excessive drinking.

GC: WH3R3 W4S TH1S 4TT1TUD3 WH3N YOU D3C1D3D TO M4K3 OUR MOV3-1N 4 DR1NK1NG G4M3 

GC: OR L1T3R4LLY 3V3RY OTH3R T1M3 W3’V3 B33N N34R 4LCOHOL

AG: Terezi, let’s not drag up the past. 

AG: As you know, every day I 8ecome gr8r than 8efore. 

AG: I’m 8asically a whole new, healthier, 8etter person.

GC: SHOULD 1 THROW OUT TH3 W1N3 1N HONOR OF YOUR N3WFOUND MOD3R4T1ON

AG: Let’s not 8e hasty now! That 8ox holds a lot of liquid. 

AG: Waste not, want not, Terezi.

GC: BLUH GC: 1 TH1NK 1’M DON3 W1TH TH1S L1N3 OF QU3ST1ON1NG

AG: You and me 8oth!

GC: 1’LL M33T YOU 4T TH3 D1N3R 4FT3R YOUR SH1FT 3NDS

AG: Wow Terezi, wanting to walk together? Pretty gay.

GC: YOU H4V3 NO 1D34 

GC: K33P 1T UP 4ND 1 M1GHT HOLD YOUR H4ND

AG: <33333333

GC: <3

AG: Only one three? You’re 8reaking my heart over here. 

AG: Why don’t you sta8 me through the chest while you’re at it.

GC: SO DR4M44444444T1C TON1GHT

AG: No more than usual.

GC: TH3 COURT F1NDS TH1S 4DM1SS1ON TO B3: 

GC: 1N4DM1SS1BL3 

GC: VR1SK4 S3RK3T 1 F1ND YOU GU1LTY OF TH34TR1CS

AG: Oh noooooooo. 

AG: Woe is me, please, give me a chance to reform!

GC: YOU H4V3 B33N S3NT3NC3D TO ON3 P1GGY B4CK R1D3

AG: Terezi I swear if you run me into tree 8ranches on purpose again I will get off.

GC: >;]

AG: What the fuck not like that!!!!!!!!

GC: 1NT3R3ST1NG

AG: Good8ye!!!!!!!!

GC: LOV3 YOU TOO 

\--

Kanaya watched bemusedly as Terezi ran down the sidewalk with her eyes closed, following the directions that Vriska shouted in her ear from her position on her back. Apparently they did this often. Terezi called it “practice for when my vision finally leaves for good.” Vriska called it “an excuse for me to boss someone around.”

“Pedestrian, 12 o’clock!” Vriska yelled. “Wait fuck don’t go to the left there’s a kid too.” 

“Don’t curse in front of children!” Terezi warned.

“Shit, sorry kid!”

“Vriska!” Terezi yelled, right as she ran under a tree. The branches hit Vriska right in the face.

“Ow, you did that on purpose!” 

“Me?” Terezi questioned, grin clear on her face. “How could I have seen it coming?”

“You still have a nose! You could smell it!” Vriska angrily replied.

“That remains to be seen.” Terezi took the opportunity to start cackling. 

Vriska tossed her hair back. “Oh my goooooooo—turn right!”

Kanaya looked over at Feferi. To keep up with Vriska and Terezi they had to jog, but Feferi seemed unaffected. She just laughed as the Terezi narrowly avoided knocking down a pedestrian.   
Kanaya wished she had worn better shoes, or maybe frequented the same gym that Terezi got her almost freakish leg strength from. 

“You know, if you want kelp all you have to do is ask!” 

Kanaya looked at Feferi skeptically. Or she tried to at least—her lack of athletic ability was beginning to show. She simply could not spare the energy to raise an eyebrow. 

“How exactly could you ‘kelp’ me?” Kanaya asked, in between deep breaths. 

“Get on.” Feferi said, squatting and holding her arms back. 

“Um.” Kanaya said, unsure. Then she remembered that she was tired, and Feferi was pretty fucking ripped from swimming. “You know what okay, let’s do this.”

Feferi was gracious enough to keep her eyes open as she ran to catch up with Terezi. She was able to do so pretty quickly, which made Kanaya wonder just how much her friends had been working out without her. Was everyone in their early twenties just naturally super strong? Was this the purpose of ‘cardio’? Did Feferi secretly swim everywhere she went, and just pretend to take the private jet? 

To be fair to Terezi , the path was a lot easier to navigate. As a result of Terezi’s erratic movements and Vriska’s poor directions, most people had moved to the other side of the street. They were able to race the remaining block with minimal disruption to other people. Kanaya noticed that Vriska “accidentally” elbowed her a few times near the end, but Feferi kept her small lead. 

“Ha!” Feferi said. “We won!” 

“Whatever,” Terezi grumbled, “You only carried someone near the end.” 

“Fair point!” Feferi countered. “But before you disregard my victory, you should consider the motto I live by.” 

With this Feferi looked at Kanaya pointedly. 

“Right,” Kanaya said, clearing her throat. “Winner buys drinks.” 

“It’s the best sign of good sportsmanship!” Feferi declared, pulling out her wallet. 

Terezi and Vriska huddled together and mock whispered. 

“Don’t do it Terezi.” Vriska said. “Don’t let her buy your pride.” 

“Vriska I’ve seen you drink leftover beer from a table. I’ve licked a stop sign. We have no pride.” Terezi countered.

“Good point.”

“Okay,” They said in unison, “We accept.”

God damn were those milkshakes good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Preparing for college + college itself is going to slow the update rate! Prompts/suggestions might help speed things up. I have like, one plot point planned and its happening next chapter So.


	6. Honey you've got a big storm coming

AA: terezi s0s

GC: S4V3 OUR SH1P 

GC: 1‘M NOT SUR3 1’M TH3 B3ST G4L TO GO TO 

GC: S331NG 4S 1 C4N’T SW1M

AA: “seeing” l0l

GC: W3LL NOW 1’M D3F1N1T3LY NOT S4V1NG YOU

AA: w0uld it help if i t0ld y0u i’m using the land-based s0s 

AA: save 0ur shit

GC: OH TH4T CH4NG3S 3V3RYTH1NG 

GC: HOW C4N 1 H3LP

AA: i v0lunteered t0 g0 sh0pping since nepeta has been pretty busy 

AA: but n0w i’m c0mpletely l0st 

AA: save me terezi y0u’re my 0nly h0pe

GC: 1F ONLY TH3R3 W4S 4 W4Y TO G3T D1R3CT1ONS TO LOC4L STOR3S… 

GC: M4YB3 3V3N CONV3N13NTLY LOC4T3D ON 4 PHON3 4PP…

AA: that takes all the excitement 0ut 0f it 

AA: trust me navigating by gut feelings and g00d 0mens is much m0re fun 

AA: and it gives me an excuse t0 pester certain friends wh0 have been 0ffline f0r f0rever

GC: P4P3RS DON’T WR1T3 TH3MS3LV3S 

GC: 4ND 4NY OTH3R FR33 T1M3 H4S B33N… 

GC: OCCUP13D >;]

AA: g0tcha 

AA: i w0n’t intrude 0n that

GC: YOU COULD YOU KNOW

AA: yeah that’d be the perfect icebreaker

GC: HMM

AA: what

GC: 1 KNOW TH3 P3RF3CT PL4C3 TO S3ND YOU

AA: 0h 0kay c00l 

AA: s0 we’re just changing the subject whenever we feel like it 

AA: n0t that i have a pr0blem in this particular case

GC: DO YOU W4NT D1R3CT1ONS OR NOT

AA: yes please 0u0

GC: YOU’R3 R34LLY 3MBR4C1NG TH4T 3MOT1CON 

GC: 1 S33M TO R3M3MB3R YOU H4V1NG SOM3 CHO1C3 WORDS TO S4Y 4BOUT 1T 1N TH3 P4ST

AA: yeah i did 

AA: but then i realized that literally all my friends use h0rrible em0tic0ns 

AA: s0 what the hell right

GC: 1 H4V3 TO 4DM1T; YOUR LOG1C 1S FOOLPROOF >:] 

GC: 4ND “WH4T TH3 H3LL” 1S TH3 P3RF3CT 4TT1TUD3 TO H4V3 FOR WH3R3 1’M S3ND1NG YOU

AA: and that is

GC: W4LM4RT

AA: finally a w0rthwhile adventure 

\--

Aradia eyed the vegetable in her hand warily. She wasn’t completely sure if it was a cucumber or a zucchini, but had already told an employee that she was okay when he asked if she needed help. Zucchinis were the prickly ones, right? They definitely had a pricklier name.

She really should have eaten more vegetables as a child. If she had known that she’d be rooming with someone who had an inexplicably large arsenal of vegetable recipes, she might have brushed up before moving in.

Aradia grabbed a vegetable at random, trusting that fate would keep her from having to admit to Nepeta that she had no idea how to identify basic vegetables. Why couldn’t everyone else live off of fruit, noodles, and flintstone vitamin gummies? It had worked for her so far.

She hummed a little as she pushed the cart to the frozen foods section. One of her favorite things about Nepeta was that she was always down to split a frozen pizza. The nights she volunteered to cook usually ended up with them on the couch, re-watching a movie both of them had already seen several times and laughing at the spots of pizza sauce they managed to get all over their faces.

Aradia grabbed a few supreme pizzas, figuring they at least had a few shriveled vegetable bits on them. Let no one say that she wasn’t considerate of her roommate’s nutritional needs. Even she had to admit that Nepeta’s commitment to health was making her feel a little better. It was just hard to separate what feelings were a result of the roasted broccoli on her plate and which ones were caused by the face of the person serving them.

A cart flew by dangerously close to her own, being ridden by a woman with a ridiculously long blue coat. When it veered suddenly to one side she assumed that the driver was simply losing control of her cart in the same way she had presumably lost her common sense. Instead the turn made the cart come to a sudden, shaky stop. The woman swept her coat behind her dramatically as she turned to face her, and Aradia froze.

Of course it would be Vriska.

Vriska, the first girl she loved. Vriska, the only one of her old friend group who had insisted on prying into her emotional state. Her clumsy attempts usually took the form of baiting and taunts, as if her feelings could be unlocked by a few accusations of cowardice.

Had she been capable of feeling strong emotions at the time, she might have grown to hate her. Instead she had accepted her messages as she had those of all her other friends, reading them without reply. She liked them better than the messages from Sollux and Terezi, which tended to drag her down with their reminders of how much she was missed, how much they looked forward to seeing her on holidays.

She knew, of course, that she would never be allowed to meet with them. Her breaks were spent on special programs that sent her to every place she ever dreamed of going, all paid for through scholarships or grants. She threw herself into every trip, chasing down the rare thrills that came to her. They were fleeting, but they were enough.  

Before she had healed enough to respond to anyone, Vriska’s messages had stopped. She’d felt a little let down when she realized, but attributed this to her general emotional state at the time.

Now she wasn’t so sure.

Vriska was staring at her, eyes narrowed as if she expected her to try to attack her. Vriska always did look for the fight.

This was too much. The fluorescent lights were too bright; the other customers were too loud. She had just wanted to buy groceries, to return and finish her paper so that she could have plenty of time to talk to Nepeta when she came home. Vriska was still steeling herself, waiting for Aradia to make the first move.

Aradia gripped her cart firmly, turned around, and went to the checkout line. She had a task to complete. Their reunion had taken years; she could put it off for a little longer.

\--

Vriska followed her from the checkout line to her truck in the parking lot, her own cart abandoned in the store. Every so often she called out her name, as softly as she was able to. She knew that Aradia could hear her by the way Aradia pulled more hair towards her ears to cover them. As if that would be enough to block Vriska out. Years ago Vriska was sure that she would find peace if only Aradia would cut her off for good. Now she just looked at the groceries Aradia packed into the cab of her truck, unsure of what she was looking for until she saw them—the nectarines.

In middle school Aradia had brought fruit in year round. She smuggled a nectarine into PE once, on a day the substitute teacher had the class walk in circles around the track for the entire period. Vriska snatched it from her hands to take a bite and she laughed, chased her until she returned it. Thief, Aradia had called her. In response Vriska charmed her way onto Aradia’s bus after school, and spent the entire afternoon with her. They explored the nearby abandoned buildings, ignoring the signs that warned against trespassing. In the overgrown backyard of a deserted house Vriska had pointed to the setting sun and said there, your missing bite of fruit. Now we’re even.

Aradia had taken Vriska’s hand, and agreed.

In some ways, Vriska’s romantic gestures peaked in middle school. Vriska wondered if Aradia even remembered them.

She got her answer in the form of Aradia looking wistfully up at the night sky.

“You’re terrible.” Aradia said softly, as if low volume could decrease the blow.

“You’re in denial.” Vriska replied.

“No,” Aradia argued, “I always remember. I just don’t care.

“Liar.” Vriska said. 

Aradia unlocked her truck, and for a moment Vriska was terrified that she would drive away. Instead, Aradia turned back towards Vriska.

“Not all of us are scared of leaving, Vriska.”

“Sure,” Vriska responded. “You run from your problems. You wait for conflict to die.”

“Okay,” Aradia said, and Vriska’s stomach twisted at the word. “Should I create needless fights, like you?” 

“You never fight at all.” Vriska said.

“Not when it won’t change anything.” Aradia said. 

“You could have tried harder to stay!” Vriska replied, voice rising.

“For who? You?” Aradia asked.

“Sollux?”

 “Don’t pretend to care about him now.” Aradia scoffed.

“Great deflection!” Vriska said. “Let’s go back to the main topic.”

“You never bothered me. You tried so hard, but you were never more than an annoyance.”

Aradia’s flushed cheeks betrayed her lie. She was finally angry. Vriska was surprised that this didn’t make her feel any better.

“Nothing bothered you.” Vriska said, a small act of mercy.

“Fair point.” She said, and paused. “Sometimes I didn’t mind.”

“The taunts? I can start again if you’d like.”

She laughed. “They reminded me of what I was missing.”

“It wasn’t the same, I’m much more effective in person.”

“So I see.”  
  
“Stop agreeing.”  
  
“Okay?”

Vriska stepped towards her for an unknown purpose, drawn to her. Aradia was inches away from her, but still incapable of being pinned down. Vriska thought of her middle school days, a fever of uprooting and replanting. She had ended up in Terezi’s home just as Aradia was settling in to boarding school. Was that why she felt Aradia’s displaced future so acutely? The thought that everything with Aradia had been a projection of her own insecurities made Vriska nauseous. Yet, here she was, watching the culmination of her regrets stare at her with near-pitying eyes.

They had loved each other once, in the confused and careless way middle-schoolers did. Before Aradia left her, without notice or care.

“Aradia.” Vriska said, because to conjure ghosts one must call them by name.

Aradia stared at her until Vriska at last gained the courage to look into her eyes. The brown depths were almost unfathomable in the poor lighting of far off floodlights and cloud-choked stars. It took her a moment to see it, but there it was: the same spark she had been drawn to years ago. Like the soil before the seeds sprouted, full of hidden growth.

“I’m alive.” Aradia said. Vriska believed her.

Aradia leaned in, lessening the gap between them.

“Is this okay?” She asked.

In response Vriska kissed her lightly on the lips. It was almost nostalgic.

“I have to go.” Vriska said.

Aradia nodded once, and then gave Vriska a concerned look.

“Wasn’t there ice cream in your cart?”

There was. There was no way it wasn’t melted by now. Vriska shrugged.

“It’ll refreeze.” She said.

“It won’t be the same.” Aradia said, an offhand comment.

Vriska gave her a long look, because she was Vriska fucking Serket and she didn’t miss an opportunity to make a point.

“It’ll be okay.” Vriska said.

Aradia smiled.

\--

AG: Guess who’s the a8solute luckiest person in the world? 

AG: And the a8solute 8est at 8eing charismatic and endearing?

GC: 1S 1T YOU

AG: You 8etcha! 

AG: W8 that sounded 8ad, scratch that. 

AG: Actually nevermind I can do no wrong today. 

AG: Terezi I am soooooooo gr8.

GC: 1’M GL4D TH4T YOU’V3 F1N4LLY D1SCOV3R3D YOUR H1DD3N T4L3NT 4T GROC3RY SHOPP1NG 

GC: YOU C4N GO 3V3RY T1M3 1F YOU’D L1K3 1T SO MUCH

AG: No fuck that honestly. 

AG: Also our ice cream is completely melted so don’t get your hopes up

GC: TH4T’S 1T GC: TH3 F1N4L STR4W 

GC: 1 4BSOLUT3LY C4NNOT L1V3 W1TH SOM3ON3 WHO WOULD 4LLOW MR CH3RRY G4RC14 TO M33T H1S UNT1M3LY 3ND 

GC: TH1S S1TU4T1ON D3M4NDS R3ST1TUT1ON

AG: I could 8uy another pint? I’d have to put 8ack the carrots to pay for it 8ut who are we kidding? We wouldn’t have eaten them anyway.

GC: 4ND NOW YOU’R3 TRY1NG TO D3PR1V3 M3 OF NUTR13NTS 

GC: UNB3L13V4BL3

AG: What the fuck are carrots for anyway? Do we reeeeeeeeally need them? 

AG: I know they’re supposed to help with eyesight 8ut we’re 8oth already fucked in that regard so........

GC: TH1S 1S ST4RT1NG TO SOUND 4N 4WFUL LOT L1K3 4N OP3N1NG D3F3NS3 ST4T3M3NT 

GC: DO YOU 4CC3PT TH3 CH4RG3S

AG: W8 no we’re getting off topic! We’re supposed to 8e focusing on me!!!!!!!! 

AG: (We will definitely 8e continuing this train of thought l8r though.)

GC: TH3 PROS3CUT1ON W1LL GR4NT 4 T3MPOR4RY H4LT TO TH3 CR1M1N4L PROC33D1NGS 

GC: ON TH3 COND1T1ON TH4T 4N 3XTR4 P1NT OF 1C3 CR34M F1NDS 1TS W4Y 1NTO TH3 FR1DG3

AG: Sweet!!!!!!!! I love it when you take 8ri8es.

GC: BR1B3RY A

G: “8ri8ery?” 

AG: (Do you really have to do this every time?)

GC: TH3 PROS3CUT1ON S33S NO 3V1D3NC3 OF BR1B3RY 

GC: TH3 PROS3CUT1ON 1S…

AG: Gay

GC: BL1ND >:] 

GC: 4ND G4Y

AG: That settles that! We’ve completed the unwanted 8uildup and pointless tangents sections of the conversation, time to address the main fucking act, aka me.

GC: >:?

AG: Don’t you ? mouth me.

GC: TH4T’S M3 B31NG 4 CONC3RN3D 4ND 4CT1V3 L1ST3N3R 

GC: MY 3Y3BROWS 4R3 POS1T1V3LY FURROW3D 1N CONC3NTR4T1ON

AG: Your eye8rows are always furrowed!

GC: NOW WHO’S G3TT1NG US OFF TOP1C

AG: Ugh!!!!!!!!

GC: TH1S 1S WH4T YOU C4LL 4 “CH3CKM8”

AG: I saw Aradia at Walmart today!

GC: R34LLY

AG: Yeah!!!!!!!!

GC: 1’M GU3SS1NG 1T W3NT W3LL

AG: You’re as clever as ever! You may have 8een a little 8it right a8out us. 

AG: I mean o8viously she’s still avoiding a lot of the emotional fallout from the shitty things in her life. 

AG: 8ut like, so am I? And I don’t expect everyone to handle things as well as I do.

GC: OF COURS3 NOT 

GC: 1T WOULDN’T B3 F41R

AG: Also I totally kissed her.

GC: WH4T 

GC: TH1S 1S OUTR4G3OUS GC: 1 C4N’T B3L13V3 MY PL4N WOULD B3TR4Y M3 L1K3 TH1S

AG: Plan? Have you 8een masterminding and manipul8ing situations again? 

AG: And without me? 

AG: I’m a little hurt.

GC: 1 M4Y H4V3 G1V3N 4 MUTU4L 4CQU41NT4NC3 SOM3 D1R3CT1ONS TO 4N OUT OF H3R W4Y W4LM4RT

AG: Oh my god that’s such 8ullshit. 

AG: Are we so dependent on each other that even my personal victories are partially due to your orchestrations? 

AG: Just like I also find some way to take credit for your successes?

GC: TH4T’S G3N3R4LLY HOW 1T WORKS Y34H

AG: Ok cool just checking 

AG: I totally kissed Aradia first though!

GC: OBJ3CT1ON 

GC: 1 K1SS3D H3R 1N 5TH GR4D3

AG: I totally kissed adult Aradia first though!!!!!!!!

GC: F41R 3NOUGH 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I literally started this series based on the idea of Aradia running into someone at Walmart.


	7. Customer Service Sucks

The door chimed, as it usually did, while she had a handful of crickets. On her first day of work, the sound of the door made her drop everything to come to the customer’s assistance. Crickets had gone everywhere, and Nepeta spent the rest of her shift hunting for them byfollowing the sounds of customer screams. Reptile sales were low that day, but she liked to think it was a good learning moment. Now whenever she heard the door, she mostly ignored it. There wasn’t any point in debating the various merits of different dog toys with every person who walked in.

Someone still always entered when she fed the lizards, of course. Nepeta lingered by the cages, waiting for the bearded dragon to finish eating its last cricket. Any uneaten meals tended to hide and strike back at night, which would be interesting to see but probably would reflect badly on her as an employee. Nepeta alternated between staring at the remaining cricket and looking at her own reflection. The bearded dragon always took forever to eat. She liked to think she’d be a much better hunter. She definitely looked fiercer.

A face appeared next to her own, which was still scrunched up in an imitation of ferocity. Whoever it was didn’t immediately leave, so maybe Nepeta wasn’t as intimidating as she thought. Oh well.

“Hello! How can I help you?” She asked.

The woman squinted at her name tag.

“Hi…Neepta?”

Nepeta didn’t let her smile crack. It wasn’t the worst mispronunciation she’d ever gotten.

“Nepeta.”

“Oops, Nepeta! I’m Feferi.” Feferi beamed at Nepeta, as if she was waiting for her to respond. Fuck, was this the type of customer who used retail workers for social interaction?

“Nice to meet you. Are you looking for anything specific today?” She asked.

Internally Nepeta cringed. Work conversations were so boring. You’d think a pet store would be open to cat puns, but no, one person complained and she got lectured through her break. She should have just let Equius pay for the apartment when he offered to. Who knew independence would have such a high cost?

“Yes! I want a good apartment pet.” Feferi replied.

Nepeta clasped her hands together, adjusting her expression to give the impression of seriousness. After what Feferi had seen earlier, it failed. It was kind of cute though.

“Do you have any restrictions from your landlord?”

“Nope! Well I guess there’s size limits for dogs but I was thinking about something aquatic.”  
Nepeta nodded. Dogs were overrated, and inferior predators.

“Okay, follow me.”

The aquariums were on the other side of the store. Nepeta mentally weighed the benefits of making awkward small talk or walking in complete silence. Her decision was made once she heard a cricket chirp an aisle over. Shouldn’t all of the escaped crickets be dead by now? So much for being a fierce hunter.

“So,” she started, “Have you ever had fish before?”

“Kind of? I didn’t really take care of them though.” Feferi replied.

Nepeta paused.

“I can walk you through the basics. If you’ve had difficulties caring for pets in the past you might want to do extra research…”

“Oh!” Feferi said. “No, they were all really well cared for. I just travelled a lot so other people ended up watching them more than I did.”

Nepeta kept walking towards the fish section, trying to think of a low maintenance fish that would still attract Feferi. Plenty of customers wanted the prettiest fish without having to put in the effort to keep them alive. Richer customers could be especially careless, and although Nepeta was unfamiliar with most fashion brands, even she could tell that Feferi was loaded by her impeccable clothes. She wondered where Feferi had travelled so much to. Probably somewhere with plenty of sun.

Nepeta hoped Feferi wouldn’t be interested in a tropical fish. Or that she had a good roommate who was willing to help.

“So, do you have a roommate?” Nepeta asked, a master of subtle interrogation.

Feferi smiled at her, a little confused about why the walk to the fish section was taking forever. How many aisles of dog toys did a pet store need?

“Yes! We just moved in together a few days ago. It’s been great, but I think the apartment’s lacking that extra spark of life.” Feferi said, illustrating her point with little jazz hands.

The hand gestures were kind of cute. Nepeta nodded absentmindedly.

“Fish can be good for that, as long as you take care of them. Even with a roommate you might want to start with something low-maintenance, probably from over there.”

With the fish tanks finally in view, Nepeta gestured towards the more forgiving species. Feferi thankfully ran towards where she pointed without looking at the tropical fish. Surprisingly, she also ran past the goldfish and beta fish, stopping in front of the two huge guppy feeder tanks.

“Don’t they get cramped?” Feferi asked, eyes darting around at the fish.

“Kind of?” Nepeta shrugged. “Pet stores aren’t exactly ideal for any animal.”

Feferi gave her a confused look, reminding Nepeta that she probably shouldn’t openly talk shit about her place of employment.

“Of course, those are feeder fish so they get eaten pretty quickly anyway.” Nepeta backpedaled.

Confident that she had avoided another work lecture, Nepeta waited for Feferi to move on to a different tank. Feferi stayed where she was, eyes narrowed in thought. Was this her cue to leave? Customer interaction wasn’t one of her talents—she didn’t like the idea of devoting all of her energy to serve generally unpleasant people. Equius was always weirdly into it, but even he ended up moving to a totally-not-cult-related commune after a few months. Nepeta shifted uncomfortably. If today ended up being her breaking point, there was no way she could move in with Equius. Her university didn’t accept transfer credits from communes.

Luckily, Feferi sprang back to attention before Nepeta could quit out of social awkwardness. Clasping her hands together, she gave a short nod to the fish and turned to Nepeta.

“I’ll take them.” She said.

“All of them?” Nepeta asked. “You’d need to get a lot of big tanks and supplies, and they’d breed pretty quickly.”

Feferi laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not interested in guppy breeding. I’ll just take the ones from the female tank.”

Nepeta thought back to her employee training, trying to remember exactly how many things Feferi needed to buy. This would probably single-handedly fulfill all of her sales goals. Of course, it could also be a huge joke. Tricking someone into preparing an approximate shit-ton of guppies for travelling was the type of the bullshit a person might just be stupid enough to try. She squinted suspiciously at Feferi, whose smile remained unchanged.

“That’s still going to require a lot of supplies.” She said.

“Don’t worry about it.” Feferi said, waving her hand as if Nepeta was the one being ridiculous. “Just tell me what I need.”

“Clarity of mind?” Nepeta asked, immediately realizing she had made a mistake.

What a shame; she usually never broke character during customer service roleplay. To her credit, this was a highly unrealistic scenario. To Feferi’s credit, she took the question well, trading her smile for a more serious grin.

“Look,” She said “I’ve got a passion for marine life that I may never be able to fully realize. I don’t have the ability to care for tropical fish, but I have the resources necessary to impulsively buy a ton of feeder fish and keep them alive for the entirety of their hopefully lengthy lifespans. Fuck, if caring for them becomes a problem I’ll just hire a fish sitter.”

Feferi finished her spiel with an assured air confidence. She must have been politely slouching beforehand, because with her back rigid she was at least a foot taller than her. Despite this, Nepeta remained unimpressed.

“If you’re going to pay for a fish sitter anyway, why not get a few tropical fish?” She asked.

Neither of them moved for a few seconds.

“Well,” Feferi said, “You might have a point there.”

The store’s speakers crackled a bit, startling both of them.

“Spill in aisle 10.”

“Actually,” Nepeta said. “I think the best fit for you would be approximately a billion guppies. You seem like the type.”

“What does ‘spill’ mean?” Feferi asked, eyebrows raised.

“It means to help our customers to our utmost ability, going above and beyond to make sure they’re extremely prepared to be pet owners.” Nepeta replied sweetly.

“Gotcha.” Feferi winked. “Maybe we should start with the tanks?”

* * *

 GA: Feferi 

GA: I Dont Think We Ever Discussed Where We Stand On Pets 

GA: Personally I Love The Idea Of Having Something Small To Come Home To 

GA: Maybe A Cat Or A Small Fish 

GA: Or Hey One Thousand Fish 

GA: Since That’S The Number Youve Apparently Settled On 

GA: But I Do Think There May Be A Fire Code Violation Somewhere In This Network Of Aquatic Habitats 

GA: Alright Nevermind You Arent Online

CC: Yes I am! 

CC: -EXCUS---E me for trying to go over care instructions 

CC: Don’t worry about fire codes! T)(ey’re filled to t)(e brim wit)( water. 

CC: T)(ey can only be kelpful!

GA: I Guess They May Balance Out The Inherent Danger Of Our Wall Hangings 

GA: But Its Still Unsettling To See Them Floating In Their Bags 

GA: It Was My Understanding That The Fish Should Swim Freely With Each Other 

GA: Or As Freely As They Can Within The Glass Confines Of Their Home

CC: ----Eventually 

CC: T)(ey )(ave to get t)(eir sea legs fist

GA: Theyre Fish

CC: You know w)(at I mean!

GA: Yeah I Was Just Fucking With You 

GA: Just Trying To Return A Little Bit Of Humor In Exchange For The Joke This Entire Situation Has Become

CC: If it’s a problem I can use t)(em for t)(eir original porpoise

GA: Swimming Around And Contributing Nothing To Society

CC: Nope! Fis)( food!

GA: Wouldnt That Require You To Get Yet Another Fish

CC: Yes!

GA: I Would Prefer Keeping Our Current Fish Amount At A Number Equal To Or Beneath Its Current Value

CC: CURR---ENT? 38D 

CC: I knew you’d sea it my way

GA: Yes Thats Exactly What Is Happening Here 

GA: Classic Kanaya 

GA: Always Agreeing One Hundred Percent With Whatever Anyone Says At Any Given Point In Time

CC: Oops, I )(ave to go! 

CC: Sea you at t)(e apartment

GA: If The Fish Havent United And Revolted By Then

CC: Blu)( 

CC: You’re being overdramatic.

GA: Am I Really

CC: You’ll learn to lov—-E t)(em, trust me.

GA: Maybe Later 

GA: I Think Ill Go For A Walk First

CC: It’s FR—-E—-EZING

GA: As An Expert In Fashion I Possess Knowledge Of A Specialized Article Of Clothing 

GA: I Wouldnt Expect You To Be Familiar With It 

GA: It Has A Closable Front 

GA: Long Sleeves 

GA: Thick Fabric

CC: )(ave fun picking out a jacket! 

* * *

Kanaya walked out of the apartment a defeated woman. For some reason all of her friends were immune to her particular brand of conflict resolution. She should probably be more direct. It might help to actually admit there was an issue before trying to solve it. Or maybe her friends were just uncommonly oblivious.

Contemplating her superior observational skills, Kanaya was too busy to notice her surroundings. Scarcely a block away from her apartment, she ran into someone and tripped. Her fall was comparable to crocs: undignified but surprisingly well cushioned. Unfortunately, the source of the cushion came from the woman she bumped into. She scrambled to her feet, poise long forgotten, to survey the damage.

“Oh my god.” Kanaya said, crouching next to woman’s foot.

“What? Is it broken? Is the bone exposed?”

Laying on the ground, the woman made no actual move to look anywhere but straight up at the sky. Kanaya politely ignored the hopeful undertone to her last question. Restoring what she could of her demeanor, she turned to face her.

“I’m sorry.” She said. “Your boots are scuffed.”

The woman took the news surprisingly well. She rearranged herself so that she was sitting up on the sidewalk, and Kanaya did her best to suppress her desire to warn her against snagging her tights. Realizing that instead she was just staring at the stranger’s legs, Kanaya promptly busied herself by tucking her own legs neatly beneath her. The habits formed from years of wearing nothing but skirts stuck with her, even when she was wearing pants.    

“Hey,” The stranger said. “I’m pretty sure they were scuffed before.”

“Oh.” Kanaya said. “How unfortunate.”

The woman shrugged. “Fortune is temporary, fate is final. If a boot scuff kept you from running off, it was worth it.”

Other people walked around them on the sidewalk, throwing curious glances down at them. The staring was totally the reason Kanaya’s face started to flush—that, and the cold.

“I hope you don’t think I’m the type to hit and run.” Kanaya said.

“It’s hard to tell. Strange women tend to be unpredictable.” She paused, then added “I’m Aradia.”

“You should give us strangers more credit. At the very least we can be relied on to give our names once you give yours. I’m Kanaya.” She said, extending her hand.

Aradia used both of her hands to clasp the one extended towards her, and made no move to shake it. Turning over Kanaya’s hand, she traced her palm thoughtfully with her fingers.

“There’s no need for trust. I have all the information necessary here.” Aradia said, eyes fixed on her palm.

“Really.” Kanaya said flatly.

“Yes! I should be able to…” Moving closer to look at Kanaya’s hand, Aradia frowned and shook her head. “Sorry, your palm isn’t saying anything.”

“How unfortunate.” Kanaya said. “It’d be nice to know if I’m going unintentionally assault anyone else today.”

“In the interest of public safety, I could read your tea leaves.” Aradia suggested.

Kanaya managed to stop herself from visibly twitching in shock. The potential implications of the offer were not lost to her, but she was unsure if she was interpreting Aradia’s words correctly. Salvaging the remnants of her dignity, she limited her reaction to raising her eyebrows.

“I’d hate for anyone to doubt my commitment to the greater good.” Kanaya said.

“Perfect!” Aradia replied.

She sprang to her feet with an unexpected grace, offering a hand to pull Kanaya up as well.

“I know the perfect place to go, it’s so cozy!” Aradia continued to describe the tea shop, hand still clasped around Kanaya’s.

Usually at the pace they were going Kanaya would want to pause after a few blocks, but something about Aradia’s excitement made it possible to ignore her burning calves. Even so, looking at Aradia’s wind-swept hair, she had to admit to being a little breathless.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Midterms have finally stopped! Also: shoutout to everyone's fave married lesbians, Rose and Kanaya. Don't forget that I take prompts for this (and generally work faster with them).

**Author's Note:**

> I have horrible timing and very little experience, but god damn the homestuck ao3 tag needs more f/f ships. There's gonna be cliches, there's gonna be pesterlogs, there's gonna be happiness.  
> I have the character backgrounds outlined but not a ton of plans for what's going to happen. I'm gonna have fun with it! If you want to suggest anything/ask questions, visit my [tumblr](http://www.bittern.tumblr.com).


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